Frustration continues

So it has been a while since I blogged, mostly because I had nothing to report. Adoption process is slinking along at an incredibly slow pace, almost a stand still. Brian was furloughed from the Railroad for 6 months and so our income was extremely limited, therefore we could not even think about meeting with the Psychologist and getting our MMPI completed. Brian has been back to work since mid July, but we are still catching up from the lean months. I am shooting to have all of our paperwork, psychologist appointments and Home study fees submitted by the end of the year. But in the mean time my frustration continues to mount. People around me seem to be getting pregnant and giving birth like there is no tomorrow. I am trying to be understanding, supportive and happy, but seriously it is not easy. I have wanted to be a mother for what seems like forever and I am finding that the Adoption process is just as frustrating and heart breaking as trying to conceive and we aren't even that far into the process yet. Brian continues to try to encourage me to be patient and keep a good attitude, but it is very difficult. He is also working on the other side of the State so I am home alone, pondering my loneliness & dealing with all the emotions that seem to flood in at the most inopportune times. Like today for instance, I see a Facebook post stating, "So & So is hasn't been feeling very well lately." and I am instantly upset, angry, irritated and ready to freak out in anticipation for the next post that is going to say, "So & So is pregnant." I don't always feel this volatile when someone announces they are pregnant, but for some reason this time I just feel furious and she hasn't even said she thinks or she is pregnant. I just thought Brian & I would be farther along in our Adoption process by now and I guess my frustration is mounting. Hopefully I will feel a little more at ease very soon, because, I really don't enjoy feeling like this now.