Bittersweet Anticipation

After recently seeing a friend's post on Facebook about one of our mutual friends "being in labor." The announcement is one of great joy & happiness, and as I patiently wait for news of the size, sex, and name, I also feel the pangs of sadness & disappointment. The feelings of disappointment are nothing new, but they become overwhelming & almost unbearable. My heart is broken and I am painfully aware of my situation. I have unexplained infertility and the possibility of me becoming pregnant is unknown. Fear usually follows the disappointment as thoughts of a childless life flood my mind. Brian & I are still planning on going forward with our Adoption plans, but even that seems to be a long way off. We have had to push back our plans so many times in the past months and it has been very discouraging. My patience has definitely been tested and continues to be, as Brian has not been home very much since July. I often feel very much alone in my thoughts and fears. We decided that we will proceed with the Psychological Exam in February/March, when Brian's Profit Sharing check comes in. We will also pay for our Home Study with that check, so we will be on farther along in our process. I am patiently waiting for the months to fly by so I can be "laboring" for my child as well. Although my "labor" maybe longer and more emotionally painful, I look forward to announcing that Brian & I are parents to a beautiful baby. I continue to pray for patience, but it is not easy. I pray for my friend as well, that her labor be short and her baby be very healthy! He will be greatly loved by wonderful caring parents! Congratulations!