The day after...

So after an extremely emotional day, yesterday, I am still awaiting my period. I am now freaking out about what could possibly be delaying it. Obviously I am not pregnant, as the blood test so kindly confirmed, so what could be the problem? Brian told me to wait it out and see what happens in the next few days. I just am worried that it is something serious, I used to have irregular periods, but I worked hard to regulate my hormones and get my cycle regular. So far I am on cycle day 32, I haven't had a cycle this long in over 3 years. I don't feel like my period is coming, I don't have cramps, I don't feel bloated, I actually lost 4 lbs last week, my boobs are a tiny bit sore, but not like they were over the weekend. I do have a bit of brown discharge, sorry I know to much information, but not enough to warrant a tampon, pad or even a pantyliner. I even worked out on my elliptical last night, hoping that would get things moving, but no. I think I am going to give it until Wednesday and then I am calling my doctor. I think the worst part is I have no one to talk to, who has any idea what I am going through. Most of my friends have kiddos and the friends that are struggling have a condition that is causing their struggle. I have nothing medically wrong with me or Brian, so I think that is what makes the situation so frustrating. There is nothing wrong to get fixed, so we just keep trying, we keep feeling the disappointment and feeling like failures.

Heartbroken

So my period was suppose to start on Friday, January 22, but nothing happened. I had my usual cramps, but not my usual premenstrual spotting. I felt a little queasy that afternoon and my heart was racing, I was so excited, but knew that I would need to wait out the weekend. Which I did, my cramps were horrible all weekend long. Extremely severe after a terrible fight with my little sister on Saturday night, I was so scared, I thought what if I just caused myself to miscarry. I laid down and relaxed and the cramps eventually subsided. On Sunday everything seemed to be fine. I took a nice nap and then relaxed when I got home from my Mom & Dad's house. Then the spotting began, and I fell apart. I tried to remember that spotting is also normal in pregnancy and it was nothing. This morning when I woke up my boobs no longer hurt and I just didn't feel the same. I went to work and talked to my boss and she insisted I call my Doctor. He was not in, but his nurse told me to come in for a blood test. I would finally know. She called me about 45 minutes later and told me it was negative. My heart sank. I feel so empty. Brian is out of town and I have no one to talk to. I also feel terrible, Brian was so excited and I know his heart is broken now too, I heard it in his voice when I told him my results. I am still waiting for my period to start and I can't stop crying. I want to just stay home and sleep, but I have to go back to work.